Cool, funny or witty quotes

[{Remnant} CT-5108]

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
  - Dave Barry

The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.
  - Ellen DeGeneres

When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
  - Brendan Behan

Powerful stuff. (I like the first one)
Post your fun quotes below. In fact, any quotes you like.

[Festus]

 Well Gentlemen you about to see a fried apple ~ Johnny apples last words before he was put to death by eletric chair

[{Remnant} CT-5108]

nc!

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..." (General John Sedgwick, battle of Spotsylvania, 1864. Union general. He was hit by a Confederate sharpshooter as he stood on a hilltop with his staff, immediately prior to the battle of Spotsylvania Court House (May 9, 1864) )

[{Remnant} CT-5108]

famous last words:

I can't sleep.
~~ James M. Barrie, author, d. 1937

Is everybody happy? I want everybody to be happy. I know I'm happy.
~~ Ethel Barrymore, actress, d. June 18, 1959

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
~~ John Barrymore, actor, d. May 29, 1942

[skirata44]

"I like deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."-Douglas Adams

[{TcF}Dr.Penguin]

First one is my favorite.

[{Remnant} CT-5108]

lol ikr

[Snake]

"If we weren't invisible...well we could see eachother..." -The Dufflepuds 

“I was hiding under your porch because I love you.” -Dug, Up

[{Remnant} CT-5108]

"Join the army. Meet interesting people. Kill them."

"Murder by death"

"Assassins, Inc. We aim to please."

"I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong."

[jdee-barc]

"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life."
-John Lennon

[CommanderCody212]

"I have a question to ask you, but it's kinda a dumb."

"There is no such thing as a stupid question."

"How do you put all of that ice through that little hole?"

"Come here, I'll show you."


-Million Dollar Baby
-Morgan Freeman

[{Remnant} CT-5108]

lol

"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no ****ing way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why isn't notebook paper constantly suffocating students while they take notes in class? I'll tell you why: because paper can't beat anybody; a rock would tear that **** up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to beat me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh ****, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, you *******!"

I didn't write that but I luvs it

[Bacara]

lol

"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no ****ing way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why isn't notebook paper constantly suffocating students while they take notes in class? I'll tell you why: because paper can't beat anybody; a rock would tear that **** up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to beat me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh ****, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, you *******!"

I didn't write that but I luvs it

It's true lol when is the next time you can be on CT? I really need to have a one on one match with you, for old times sakes. Also, do you have an Xbox360 and if so what is your Gamertag so I can add you? 

[{Remnant} CT-5108]

Yes we really do need to kill each other; I've been playing a lot of locals on GR these day and ... well... winning. I thought I was rusty. Anyhow. Can you be on this afternoon at like 4? I might not be able to play but at least we can chat you know.

I have no XBox because my parents are horrible and mean and everything lol

so i will be on GameRanger and probably blackfire at 4:00pm Central time (1600 hours military time btw) Cya there

[Bacara]

Yes we really do need to kill each other; I've been playing a lot of locals on GR these day and ... well... winning. I thought I was rusty. Anyhow. Can you be on this afternoon at like 4? I might not be able to play but at least we can chat you know.

I have no XBox because my parents are horrible and mean and everything lol

so i will be on GameRanger and probably blackfire at 4:00pm Central time (1600 hours military time btw) Cya there

Sorry, couldn't. I was at the movies with some of my friends. Can you get on at all tonight? I'm on right now.

Dude, save up and get an Xbox. That would be so awesome if you got one