Agony

[Ultimo]

If you had to ask, I would tell you that I believe I am going through one of the most emotionally and mentally stressful periods in my life... that I will ever face.

Every time I expressed my feelings before, I dragged it out to make my story the least bit interesting.
This time I won't be doing that... I'm not going to make everything sound worse than it is so I can gain pity and attention, because I don't care for more of those right now.

I'm letting you know that my road ahead will be up and down and... quite frankly, I don't know if I can handle it all.
I feel the agony in me. The ripping, shredding, slicing, tearing, butchering agony of my regrets.


I'll be sticking around here, I believe. How often, how long and how much, I don't know.

Well, I can't hold this. So I just... Give me a little pity, it might make me feel better... Just, not too much. You don't want to get attached to me, or I to you.... At least, for now.

[Led]

All right man, hang in there.

[MileHighGuy]

soo.. what happened

[Gold Man]

Darn shame to hear you're hurting, man. Hope you still hang around, and hope you hang in there too.

[Ultimo]

soo.. what happened

Pain... from the burning passion for another; that person however, willing to give me their heart but only half of it and not proving to me that it's even that much.

Anger... from the constant frustrations, disturbances, and disregard for others that has developed in the people close to me.

Care... you wouldn't believe me but I say I feel the pain of others when I see it in their face. It's not fun, I honestly can look at them and understand and personally feel what they feel... it's crazy but I do not lie.

Commitment... as somehow I can not keep myself committed to a routine that I know well that I deeply need to follow, and it kills me inside when I stray.

Lastly, June 1st is coming very soon. Last year on June 1st was the worst day of my life... ever. I promise. I won't get into detail, but I'm stressed, terrified, shaken, and frustrated knowing the day is coming again. I'm not sure what to expect this time... I want it to be happy, since it is just before my birthday, but I just don't know...

And well, there are a few other things but it's all just too much and I CAN'T HANDLE IT ALL I SWEAR I'M OUT OF GOD   OPTIONS AND I HATE IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Carbon27]

I understand what you feel. I undestand, though what I feel isn't exactly the same. It's a hard road that is clouded by fog, giving the impression of never ending. I am on the same road, may one of us see the other on the other side. If you need to unload, PM me, I will always care. Good luck on whatever happens on this road!

[Ultimo]

Talk about lifting weights, man I just lifted at least an elephant off me!
I'm feeling better, now that I resolved a huge issue in my heart.
How 'bout a story?

About a month ago, I came back to one of my ex-girlfriends (that I dumped last year), and told her I still love her. At the time, and I had no idea, she was actually dating some other dude. But, when I came back to her, she told me she still loves me too and that if her boyfriend dumped her, then she would come to me. So, I lived with that for a bit.
Each week since I told her I went on to do something really nice for her. And her real boyfriend never knew. The girl would always tell me how he doesn't really do a thing for her but she didn't want to dump him herself because she didn't want to hurt him. So the weeks go on, more nice deeds are done... and suddenly she stops texting me.
...
Finally, when I get her to text me again about another week later, she's all jumpy about her true boyfriend but still keeps saying he doesn't do a thing. So I did something nice for the girl again. This time, she rejected me out completely and told me that she loves her boyfriend way more than me.
...
That's when I lost it because I knew she had been lying to me for the longest time and even though she had smeared her lipstick all over my face many times during then, I could tell the way she said it that she didn't give a in the world about me anymore.

***As a side note, I had dated this girl before for 2 whole years before I dumped her. I didn't want to, it was forced. Which is another story.... but back to now, me and the girl had known eachother and been good friends for 5 years.***

Knowing how long she had lied to me and how long we known eachother, it really hurt me inside to realize know that she didn't care about me the least bit. I yelled at her like the sorry she is and told her to stay out of my life if she was just going to treat me like that. So, she actually (wo)manned up for a bit and told me during school that she was saying goodbye to me.

I loved her for so long. To be crushed the way she did was a hard hit on me.
I did make her cry for a while after I yelled at her though. She deserved it.
I feel better now.


Still working on other life problems... I'll keep you up to date since you guys seem to care a little.
Site activity: Rising but incomplete. (Be back sooner!)

[Gold Man]

Ouch man, that hurts. And for that long too, that's a bummer.

But, like they say, young love never lasts. Abstinence is the key, my friend.

Hang in there Ultimo!

[Ultimo]

Aside from my personal problems(which thankfully are starting to die out again... hope I didn't jinx myself saying that...), I am now dealing with a technical issue.

We upgraded my home's router 2 days ago to increase wifi reliability. Well, we definitely got faster wireless internet. Except for one problem... My computer is the only one that is not receiving the wifi properly and giving me a working internet signal. It always says I'm connected but I go into my browser(s) and online games and they just don't work.

So I'll be dealing with that problem for a while...
freaking Xfinity/Comcast messes everyone up


See you all soon I hope!

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EDIT: Good News! I appear to have (temporarily, most likely...) fixed my wifi! This could keep me here for a bit.